DEAR FRIENDS,
April 2025 | Passover Edition
Chag Sameach!
Well, for those of us who clean the house from top to bottom and underneath everything it's not so sameach until, finally, the last bit of dust has been swept out of the house. But doesn't it feel good? I believe that the world habit of traditional "spring cleaning may have begun with this. Or maybe this began with the world habit of cleaning up, logical after the gloom of winter. Whatever it may be, it's a good thing.
Another good thing is the Passover seder. It tells the breath-taking story of our enslavement in Egypt and how the Almighty brought us out of slavery. Some of us, however, find the entire ritual a bit too much. There are page after page of reading in ancient Hebrew which can be an ordeal. Fortunately, there are many Hagadot which have been printed with a simultaneous translation with English at the side. Hagadot can be found throughout the world with the same Hebrew text but with different translations. Back in the United States I had one with English at the side of the Hebrew. My husband's grandmother in India had one with Marathi (an Indian dialect) at the side. A friend of ours from Germany had one with German at the side. My own grandmother's Hagadah had one with Yiddish annotations.
Today many people are opting for a revised Hagadah. In essence, many people feel that the Hagadah, as it stands, is too long. And so as a public service we are presenting the new
The Two-Minute Haggadah
A Passover service for the impatient.
Opening prayers:
Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine.)
Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)
Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we're free. That's why we're doing this.
Four questions:
1. What's up with the matzoh?
2. What's the deal with horseradish?
3. What's with the dipping of the herbs?
4. What's this whole slouching at the table business?
Answers:
1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.
2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.
3. It's called symbolism.
4. Free people get to slouch.
A funny story:
Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)
The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:
Wise child-explain Passover.
Simple child-explain Passover slowly.
Silent child-explain Passover loudly.
Wicked child-browbeat in front of the relatives.
Speaking of children:
We hid some matzoh. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.
The story of Passover:
It's a long time ago. We're slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh is a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues upon the Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzoh. God parts the Red Sea. We make it through; the Egyptians aren't so lucky. We wander 40 years in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.)
The 10 Plagues:
Blood, Frogs, Lice-you name it.
The singing of "Dayenu":
If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would've been enough. If he'd punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea, it would've been enough.
If he'd parted the Red Sea- (Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.)
Eat matzoh. Drink more wine. Slouch.
Thanks again, God, for everything.
SERVE MEAL.
Emergency Numbers
Citizens Rights in an emergency situation (Hebrew)
https://www.kolzchut.org.il/he/ (need to google translate if you do not know Hebrew)
Israel Home Front Command (Pikud HaOref) Phone: 104
This is the official address for Israeli citizens during these times:
https://www.oref.org.il/en
Israel Police / Phone: 100
https://www.gov.il/en/departments/israel_police/govil-landing-page
MADA – Ambulance / Phone: 101
https://www.mdais.org/en
National Fire and Rescue Authority / Phone: 1299
https://www.gov.il/en/departments/firefighting_and_rescue_israel/govil-landing-page
Emotional Support
Association of the Deaf in Israel
Contact: +972 52-6033505 / Website:
https://www.deaf-israel.org.il/contact-us
Al-Anon Israel serves friends and family of alcoholics
https://www.al-anon-israel.org/
Crises Intake for U.S. Citizens in Israel
https://cacms.state.gov/s/crisis-intake
Eran Hotline
Sponsored by the Ministry of Aliyah and Integration to provide emotional support, is open for immigrants to Israel in English, Russian, Amharic, French and Spanish between the hours of 4pm and 9pm at *3201. Website:
https://www.eran.org.il/helpline-for-olim-eng/
Ezer Mitzion
- psychological support: 1800808100
- special for people 60+: 1800802030 (between 8am and 8pm)
- want to volunteer?: 0732477777
- need medical equipment?: 036144500
- Bayt Cham: *9518
- Special professional hotline, for free, for boys, for girls, in English also: *8147, 24/7 *for more
- info: m1599503232@gmail.com
Get Help Israel
https://gethelpisrael.com/
Help Line for Holocaust Survivors
https://www.k-shoa.org/index.php?language=eng
Number to call is *5105 or 03 5682651
Kav LaOved – Workers Hotline
Foreign aid workers are able to check regulations via this link:
https://www.kavlaoved.org.il/en/
Leket food Bank in Israel
https://www.leket.org/en/volunteers/
Mashaabim Center
Parenting and family in an emergency:
https://hoseneastgalil.org.il/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Parenting-and-family-in-an-emergency.pdf
Health Funds
Meuhedet *3833 – 3 for English
Maccabi *3555 – 4 for English
Leumit *507 – 4 for English
Clalit *2700 – 4 for English
English News Resources:
i24News: https://www.i24news.tv/en/
Ynet: https://www.ynetnews.com/
Israel National News:https://www.israelnationalnews.com/
The Jerusalem Post: http://www.jpost.com
Ha’Haretz: http://www.haaretz.co.il
The Times of Israel: https://www.timesofisrael.com/
Arutz Sheva: https://www.israelnationalnews.com/
Other Helpful Resources:
Libby – Israel Digital Library
LIBBY for the Southern Evacuees Click here
Behavioral guidelines while driving a vehicle during sirens
https://www.oref.org.il/12487-16149-en/Pakar.aspx
Choosing a Protected Space – Pikud HaOref
https://www.oref.org.il/12487-15895-en/Pakar.aspx
How to explain the war to our children: A guide for parents
https://www.oref.org.il/12487-15895-en/Pakar.aspx
The Silent Radio Broadcast Stations Activated During Shabbat
https://www.gov.il/en/departments/news/12102023_2
Foreign Embassies in Israel
Give A Kid A Break Fund
The school year is upon us once more. Well, it’s not upon us exactly but it’s upon all those kids
IMPORTANT!
In times of stress: Call the Moked Ironi 106 from a landline or *10681 from a cellphone to report a
